saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
