He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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