I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
