So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
