this beer tastes like vomit already
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
