Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
