I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
