my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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