She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
