evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
