the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
