i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
