My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
