Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
