I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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