I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize