Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
