so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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