Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have aggressive nipples.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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