Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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