My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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