An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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