Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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