the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
