can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
