I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
