sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
