is your mom at the bar?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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