We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
