I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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