He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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