I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
