the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
