What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
