So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
