A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
