My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize