so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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