Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
