You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
