im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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