So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize