i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
