She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize