It's Friday. Sex?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
operation harelip BJ is a go
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
