just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
