Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
