At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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