oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
