this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
