i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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