I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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