We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize