Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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