hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This baby is an asshole
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
