Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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