No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The beer is more important than you right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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