Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
