you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
