this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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