My liver just broke up with me...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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