can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
