She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
