Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
