i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
