Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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