i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
