remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
