I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
