So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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