I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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