Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
