take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
