dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
