I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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