you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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