I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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