She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
