I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
