look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
