You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
