OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
