My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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