some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
