you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
