will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
