How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
