Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
