just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
