Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're making bets on your personal life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
