made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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