Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
