In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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