I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
