I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
