dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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