Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize