Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
