I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
