youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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