i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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