and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
