Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They took my balls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
