She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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