Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
