i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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