Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
