So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize